No Going Back
by MrsDarcy14
Summary: Kurt finally admits he's gay...to the one person who asked him for his heart. A one shot from the show when Kurt and Mercedes are in the hall. R&R! Thanks! K for slight swearing.


**Hey guys! I'm back with another Glee one shot. This is about when Kurt tells Mercedes that he is gay. **

**I LOVE writing about Glee, so if you have any suggestions, let me know!**

**Thanks!**

Leaving Glee club was the hardest part of his day. Which was surprising considering all of the crap he had to live through each day; like Puck meeting him every morning outside the school to see if his outfits were outrageous enough to be tossed over side of the dumpster or just to get him shoved around. Or walking down the halls and having names called out at him, some he didn't even understand, and trying to just ignore them. Or going home and seeing his dad's face when he crosses the threshold in his outfits that come straight from the pages of Vogue. No, it was leaving the place where he felt connected and accepted. Singing and dancing all day would make his life.

Oh. Right. Being in Glee took away the right to have a life. At least in the ways the other student considered important.

After the carwash earlier today, Kurt had left the scene murderously mad. All he wanted to do was wring Mercedes neck like a cheap scarf from China town. After that little wave had passed, he was just sad. Things hadn't turned out like he expected; what with Mercedes asking him out and having a brick thrown through his car window. Feeling crappy, he had just headed back into school to grab his books for homework.

While he stared into his locker with no purpose and braided his favorite purple scarf, the sound of Mercedes's heels clicking down the hall brought him back to reality. Oh shit. Mercedes.

The memory of her face when he had let slip that he loved Rachel was still etched onto the back of his eyelids. He hated hurting people because of his...problem. She had said that he, "Busted her heart." Oh how he wished that girls weren't attracted to him so that he wouldn't have to hurt them. It still upset him to think about the pain that flashed across her face.

"Hey Kurt." A soft voice brought him out of his second reprieve. He quickly looked sideways to confirm his fears. Close to tears himself, he turned back to his scarf without a word. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl. He injured himself more than anyone knew, and she was only adding to it.

"I just wanted to say I'm really sorry I did that to your car," Mercedes spoke while leaning against the locker next to his, "I'll pay for it to get fixed." She offered him a weak smile.

"It's ok." Speaking monotone helped get the emotions raging under the surface in better control. This also contained the tears. "My dad took my baby away when he found my tiara collection in my hope chest." He turned to her now, everything under control. Breathe, Kurt, breathe, he commanded his brain.

"And I just wanted to say, I hope it works out between you and Rachel," not knowing the full extent of what she said, she smiled and continued on, "You'll have really cute, loud, babies." She smiled and laughed at her joke, not paying any attention to the look on Kurt's face.

His walls almost broke down; the fact that she still thought that he loved Rachel was a stupid idea. Not that Rachel wasn't a talented and wonderful person on her own time, but she just didn't attract him. The way Mercedes didn't. The way no girl ever would. Ache and longing flashed across his features, but Mercedes couldn't see them for he was still looking into the back of his locker.

She turned to walk away as Kurt shut his locker door and said, "Mercedes." She turned around and walked back to him, his heart beating fast.

The walls were breaking down. Falling faster than he could ever try to fix them, and his emotions burst forth with a blinding speed; sorrow for his mom's death, shame from his father's looks that he earned, heartbreak whenever he saw Finn and Quinn kissing in the halls, and his own hate for himself. He never truly hated himself, but he hated what it did to other people.

The tears came now, and he didn't bother to hold them back. "I lied to you." She looked a bit taken back, but continued to listen, "I don't like Rachel." He peeked over his shoulder to make sure that they were the only two people who would hear this. "I'm...gay."

His head was reeling and he anticipated Mercedes reaction. This could be the breaking moment to see whether he could tell others or not. Heart pounding, he waited for an answer.

Looking slightly confused, she responded, "Why didn't you just tell me?" Good. She wasn't repulsed by what he was, and he was surprised to see understanding in her eyes.

Emotion made his throat feel closed and tight, so speaking didn't come easy at the moment. "Because I've never told anyone before." That much was true. No one else knew that he was gay, unless they had already guessed it for themselves, which he was sure many had. Once he said the words, the tightening in his chest loosened a bit. Still leaning against the lockers for support, he listened as Mercedes said, "You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, Kurt. You should just tell people." Now the tears were starting to roll slowly down his cheeks. He couldn't even look at Mercedes as she continued on. "Especially the kids in Glee. The whole point of the club is about expressing what's really inside you, remember?" He could tell she wanted him to so badly.

The fact that she was pretending to understand made the tears come faster and he looked back at her, "I can't. I'm just not that confident, I guess." He rolled so that his back was pressed against the lockers and it made it easier to make an exit down the hall.

Once he started leaving, Mercedes turned and watched him go. He walked out of the doors and out of her heart. She understood now why he couldn't love her back, but that didn't mean she had to like it

Kurt left in a hurry to get out front, only to find that his car wasn't there anymore. "Damn it!" He yelled to no one imparticular. "Why did you do this to me? Why not someone else? I could..." but he realized that he couldn't do anything about the way he was and he better learn to accept it. He was scared out of his mind to do so, but with enough encouragement, he was sure he could overcome anything.

When he was crossing the lawn to go sit under the stairs, Kurt broke into a run because a clap of thunder sounded, and thunder meant rain. And rain meant that he would need to reapply his hair spray, his face lotion, and secretly his slightly penciled in eyebrows. Laughing, he realized that he would be ok, give or take a few hardships. After all, life isn't about fretting the small stuff. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

And that's exactly what Kurt did. Right after he took off his two hundred dollar sweater and left it folded under that stairs, neatly, of course.

**Yay Glee! Yay Kurt!**

**I really need to write more Glee. It makes me uber happy. **

**And yes, I know. The last scene with Kurt isn't in the show, but I thought it was really cute, so I made it up. Which is what we do with FanFics, so it's fine. **

**The last part with Mercedes POV is a bit confusing, but I like it. It's just her being sad. **

**Honestly, I cried while I wrote this. LOVED IT TO DEATH!**

**Thanks! R&R TONS!**


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